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"Nothing I do is my fault."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"It's not summer if your tongue isn't purple."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"I hate it when I can't gird my loins with funny animals."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"If you flip the pages of MY book, an animated t-rex drives the batmobile and explodes!"
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"Reality continues to ruin my life."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet might be running loose in your pants."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"Man, you'd think the guy eating the worms would be calling the shots!"
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"Not having my emotions manipulated is such a weird experience."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"This probably just goes to show something, but I sure don't know what."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"This is so cool I have to go to the bathroom!"
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"From now on, I'll connect the dots my *own* way."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"Let's go exploring!"
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"I've never liked crayons very much. They just don't have any flavor at all."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"I say, if your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"I'm not having enough fun right now."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"Careful. We don't want to learn from this."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"Aww mom, you act like I'm not even wearing a bungie cord!"
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"The only permanent rule in calvinball is that you can't play the same way twice!"
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"This one's tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen..."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"I propose we leave math to the machines and go play outside."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"I liked things better when I didn't understand them."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"Yep, the playground is a lot more fun after class starts."
- Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes
"I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You've taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"It's only work if somebody makes you do it."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"One of my baby teeth came out! I have to say, I'm not entirely comfortable holding a piece of my own head."
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night!"
- Hobbes, Calvin and Hobbes
"One can certainly imagine the myriad of uses for a hand-held iguana maker."
- Hobbes, Calvin and Hobbes
"It's amazing what they do with corrugated cardboard these days."
- Hobbes, Calvin and Hobbes
"Every minute outside and awake is a good minute."
- Hobbes, Calvin and Hobbes
"If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe we'll just have to make some!"
- Hobbes, Calvin and Hobbes
"The best presents don't come in boxes."
- Hobbes, Calvin and Hobbes
"If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it."
- Hobbes, Calvin and Hobbes
"The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present."
- Hobbes, Calvin and Hobbes
"I guess if we get to have snacks, it would be ok to time travel. If they're *good* snacks, I mean."
- Hobbes, Calvin and Hobbes
"I don't know if I can tolerate that much tolerance."
- Hobbes, Calvin and Hobbes
"I'm going to the office and get some sleep."
- Dad, Calvin and Hobbes
"So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it."
- Bill Watterson
"I am not afraid anymore."
- Sailor Moon
"Music maker man, your beats are bad."
- Jack, Samurai Jack
"That's right Aku. You see, I'm smart, and you're pure evil."
- Jack, Samurai Jack
"Even dogs should not have to live like dogs."
- Samurai Jack
"Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future."
- Niels Bohr
"In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them."
- Johann von Neumann
"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"Loving is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"A goal without a plan is just a wish."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"If someone wants a sheep, then that means that he exists."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value."
- Carl Sagan
"Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence."
- Carl Sagan
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
- Carl Sagan
"For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love."
- Carl Sagan
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
- Carl Sagan
"Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a universe in which there are far more galaxies than people."
- Carl Sagan
"Every man dies, not every man really lives."
- William Wallace, Braveheart
"Life is too important to take seriously."
- Corky Siegel
"There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?"
- Dick Cavett
"Heck yeah! I'm a triceratops balanced on a buttercup with spinning wheels, baby. Lets do this!"
- Dexter, Dexter's Laboratory
"See, that's what it'd be like if you had me for a face!"
- Spongebob Squarepants
"Hey, if I close my eyes it doesn't seem so dark!"
- Spongebob Squarepants
"Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets!"
- SpongeBob SquarePants
"No, Gary. I like wearing my underwear like this!"
- SpongeBob SquarePants
"Oh well, I guess I'm not wearing any pants today!"
- SpongeBob SquarePants
"Or a football playing king in space... with a moustache!"
- SpongeBob Squarepants
"I anything can't do right since because pickles!"
- SpongeBob Squarepants
"The sky had a baby from my cereal box!"
- SpongeBob Squarepants
"You know, if I were to die right now, in some sort of fiery explosion due to the carelessness of a friend...well, that would just be ok."
- SpongeBob Squarepants
"I can't see my forehead!"
- Patrick, SpongeBob SquarePants
"Remember, when in doubt, pinky out."
- Patrick, Sponge Bob Squarepants
"No Patrick, horseradish is not an instrument either."
- Squidward, Sponge Bob Squarepants
"Ah! Get your feet out of my eye sockets!"
- Tatletale Strangler, Spongebob Squarepants
"I'd dream I fell and hurt my head on a fishbowl, hurt myself just bad enough to work graveyard shift at a convenience store. A group of Hari Krishnas always came in at 4am and bought 16 gallons of Mr. Slushi and a package of banana flavored Ding Dongs, then the Swedish Bikini Team jumped out of a magazine and read Moby Dick to me inside a giant carton of cottage cheese."
- Cornfed, Duckman
"What do you got for me. Things, stuff, more things and stuff?"
- Duckman
"Would you ask picasso to sell his guitars?"
- Dewey, School of Rock
"I'm not a satanic sex god any more, I'm a working stiff."
- Ned Schneebly, School of Rock
"I would say that what you got here is a potential supersonic chicken."
- Adam, MythBusters
"Any day we create that much shrapnel is a good day."
- Jamie, MythBusters
"Fool me once, strike 1. Fool me twice, strike 3."
- Michael Scott, The Office
"I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at sixty pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?"
- Dwight Schrute, The Office
"If we have to defend ourselves, I will stab the security guard in the eye with a jumbo chalk."
- Dwight Schrute, The Office
"The eyes are the groin of the head."
- Dwight Schrute, The Office
"Those are the money beets."
- Dwight Schrute, The Office
"Three minutes ago I was watching cartoons and eating a banana."
- Robert, "Everybody Loves Raymond"
"I should have went to the doctor tomorrow."
- Raymond, Everybody Loves Raymond
"That was one good minute!"
- Joey, Friends
"There is a fine line between love and hate and it turns out that fine line is a scarf."
- Rachel, Friends
"I don't know, they both want to live in a house of cheese! I don't know how you fight that."
- Phoebe, Friends
"Watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie."
- Phoebe, Friends
"No thanks, I just had a jar of mustard."
- Chandler, Friends
"I can handle this. 'Handle' is my middle name. Actually, 'handle' is the middle of my first name."
- Chandler, Friends
"You know, that bastard is one smooth talking freelance kite designer."
- Phibi, Friends
"It's like the Olympics plus World Series plus the birth of your first child all multiplied by X, where X equals 'awesome'."
- John Hodgman, "The Daily Show"
"If the doctor told me I had six minutes to live, I'd type a little faster."
- Isaac Asimov
"The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom."
- Isaac Asimov
"Good food ends with good talk."
- Geoffrey Neighor, Northern Exposure
"Well, what animal was the elephant anyway?"
- Shelley, Northern Exposure
"Have you ever tried to think like a shower?"
- Chris Stevens, Northern Exposure
"Maggie, there are two parts to guilty pleasure. If she's going to suffer the guilt, then she should at least enjoy the pleasure."
- Ruth Anne, Northern Exposure
"What we play is life."
- Louis Armstrong
"Oh, I gotta go. A delightful monkey just took my plum!"
- Stan, American Dad
"You never forget how to fight. It's like fighting a bicycle."
- Stan, American Dad
"Ah pillow gun, where danger and confort meet."
- Stan, American Dad
"Hey, the rangers will teach you the skills you need to survive, wether the apocalypse comes in 6 months, or 7 months."
- Stan, American Dad
"Come on, it's not gay, there's guns in the room."
- Stan, American Dad
"Well that's the price you pay for the sweet pleasure of van ownership."
- Stan, American Dad
"Guys I can explain, I was lying to you."
- Stan, American Dad
"With great moustache, comes great responsibility."
- Peter, Family Guy
"A boat's a boat, but the mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat!"
- Peter, Family Guy
"Three days? That's tomorrow!"
- Peter, Family Guy
"Lois, When I'm through with them, our kids will be so smart, they'll be able to program their own VCRs without spilling piping hot gravy all over myself."
- Peter, Family Guy
"I got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about."
- Peter, Family Guy
"This plan is so perfect it's retarded!"
- Peter, Family Guy
"If you need me, i'll be in space."
- Peter, Family Guy
"After today only half the people who ever called me a fizzle will have gotten away with it."
- Peter, Family Guy
"Here, go buy yourself some more money."
- Peter, Family Guy
"I want them to have new hats!"
- Stewie, Family Guy
"Oh dang, now I hate windmills even more!"
- Cleveland, Family Guy
"I love this job more than I love taffy ... and I'm a man who enjoys his taffy."
- Adam West, Family Guy
"It's time for me to bend over and receive my destiny."
- Bart, The Simpsons
"I can't get a straight answer out of this crazy hemisphere."
- Bart, The Simpsons
"Everything tastes better when it's lassoed."
- Bart, The Simpsons
"You should have thought of that *before* I glued all this stuff to my face."
- Bart, The Simpsons
"Oh puppy GooGoo, fetch me a dream!"
- Milhouse, The Simpsons
"That is one handsome rattlesnake you got biting your arm there."
- Lenny, Simpsons
"That's it kids, suckle daddy's sugar ball."
- Homer, The Simpsons
"All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals."
- Homer, The Simpsons
"I don't know what that is, so i'm gonna say yes."
- Homer, The Simpsons
"The problem in the world today is communication. Too much communication."
- Homer, The Simpsons
"I hope I didn't brain my damage."
- Homer, The Simpsons
"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!"
- Homer, The Simpsons
"Ahhhh, the sweet little seconds before I remember why I am sleeping on the lawn."
- Homer, The Simpsons
"I'm not a missionary, I don't even believe in Jebus!"
- Homer, The Simpsons
"Lisa, when you've substained as many blows to the head as i have, consistency is something something that something, I love you Bart."
- Homer, The Simpsons
"Sure, it's not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? "
- Homer, The Simpsons
"Besides, weaseling out of things is important to learn. It is what separates us from the animals, except for the weasel."
- Homer, The Simpsons
"Ow, my eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!"
- Lenny, The Simpsons
"Everything here is something!"
- Marge, The Simpsons
"This is offensive to Christians *and* prunes."
- Lisa, The Simpsons
"It makes me sick in a wonderful, wonderful way."
- John, The Simpsons
"It's all there in the macaroni."
- Fry, Futurama
"The present may stink, but at least now we can look forward to a better yesterday."
- Fry, Futurama
"Hey! Now what am I supposed to watch and drink all day?"
- Fry, Futurama
"Ah, it's less popped than ever!"
- Fry, Futurama
"Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?"
- Fry, Futurama
"Hey, which crazy thing are you guys screaming about?"
- Fry, Futurama
"Yup, she's beautiful coffee alright."
- Fry, Futurama
"Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?"
- Fry, Futurama
"I'll be whatever I wanna do."
- Fry, Futurama
"Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything."
- Fry, Futurama
"Whatever is in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted!"
- Fry, Futurama
"Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!"
- Fry, Futurama
"Hey, I have an idea, lets do that!"
- Fry, Futurama
"At last, war has made me into a man. Weeeeee!"
- Fry, Futurama
"What part of that do I understand?"
- Fry, Futurama
"Uh, what if that thing I said?"
- Fry, Futurama
"Hmm. I remember the square-dancing stomachs. Although that might have been a Mylanta commercial."
- Fry, Futurama
"The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers."
- Fry, Futurama
"What's happening? And why am I enjoying it so much?"
- Fry, Futurama
"I like your style, Fry. You remind me of a young me, not much younger mind you, perhaps even a couple years older."
- Zapp Brannigan, Futurama
"Now that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes!"
- Zapp Brannigan, Futurama
"Ah, she's built like a steak-house, but she handles like a bistro."
- Zapp Brannigan, Futurama
"I am the man with no name. Zap Brannigan at your service."
- Zapp Brannigan, Futurama
"You won't have time for sleeping soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing."
- Zapp Brannigan, Futurama
"Ever since man first left his cave and met a stranger with a different language and a new way of looking at things, the human race has had a dream. To kill him so we don't have to learn his language or his new way of looking at things!"
- Zapp Brannigan, Futurama
"Hell of a thing to send a universe to certain doom, fun though!"
- Zapp Brannigan, Futurama
"It's not uncharted, you lost the chart!"
- Kiff, Futurama
"Look at me, I'm invisible!"
- Hermes, Futurama
"What's the secret of time travel doing on Fry's ass?"
- Leela, Futurama
"That's so plausible I can't believe it!"
- Leela, Futurama
"My god! We're out of that weird crazy world, and back in our regular crazy world!"
- Leela, Futurama
"Great is okay, but amazing would be great."
- Bender, Futurama
"Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a Super-Soaker of fine cogniac."
- Bender Futurama
"Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder."
- Bender, Futurama
"Oh, I'm gonna spend eternity alone with barely any swag."
- Bender, Futurama
"You're twice the 'the' he ever was."
- Bender, Futurama
"Try this, kids at home!"
- Bender, Futurama
"It's toe-tappingly tragic."
- Zoidberg, Futurama
"No, the double vomit is a sign of joy!"
- Zoidberg, Futurama
"Ah, paradox resolved. Someone get a mop!"
- Professor, Futurama
"I can wire anything directly into anything, I'm the Professor!"
- Professor, Futurama
"I'm sciencing as fast as I can!"
- Professor, Futurama
"It's dolomite, baby!"
- Professor, Futurama
"Which last night?"
- Professor, Futurama
"Don't do anything that affects anything. Unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case for the love of God. Don't not do it!"
- Professor, Futurama
"Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything."
- Professor, Futurama
"Somewhere between not at all and entirely."
- Professor, Futurama
"Ah well, there'll be no epic battle today."
- Professor, Futurama
"Alas, our Kitten class attack ships were no match for their mighty chairs!"
- Nibbler, Futurama
"I saved the space-time continuum, and 40% of your rectum."
- Nibbler, Futurama
"Everyone out of the universe, quick!"
- Nibbler, Futurama
"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."
- God, Futurama
"That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer!"
- Calculon, Futurama
"I'm not familiar with the type of thing I am seeing."
- Calculon, Futurama
"Sir, your derangement is impressive!"
- Calculon, Futurama
"If I had ever heard of it, it would have been what I'd always dreamed of."
- Amy, Futurama
"It's like a movie with this happening in it!"
- Amy, Futurama
"Heck, it's more than acceptable. It's adequately satisfactory!"
- Adlai, Futurama
"I'm WAY ahead of you. I'll get the monkey and the trampoline!"
- Cosmo, Fairly Odd Parents
"Yeah, usually it takes a monkey or a bowl of pudding to do that!"
- Cosmo, Fairly Odd Parents
"It's a girl nickel!"
- Cosmo, Fairly Odd Parents
"I always knew something evil must have crawled up there. Can't be corn, cause corn is nice!"
- Cosmo, Fairly Odd Parents
"Who's brains are tiny? Remember what?"
- Cosmo, Fairly Odd Parents
"I can be specific too... about some things."
- Cosmo, Fairly Odd Parents
"Hey, there's that cowboy I was looking for!"
- Cosmo, Fairly Odd Parents
"Ah, I hope he wishes for pudding!"
- Cosmo, Fairly Odd Parents
"The batteries are dead already? Wow, we're really being evil today!"
- Timmy, Fairly Odd Parents
"I'm low fat *and* boy-licious."
- Timmy, Fairly Odd Parents
"It's fun and destructive. It's funstructive."
- Timmy, Fairly Odd Parents
"Gotta run, son! I have a big meeting on how to plan big meetings!"
- Dad, Fairly Odd Parents
"Timmy-O's? Those are for pack mules! I need to achieve!"
- Dad, Fairly Odd Parents
"Go to your room and don't come out until you learn responsibility for other people's property... or welding skills... whatever comes first."
- Dad, Fairly Odd Parents
"I hope those fists of fury were washed."
- Old lady, Fairly Odd Parents
"If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit."
- Doc, Back to the Future
"Look under your bed, it'll set you free."
- Anita, Almost Famous
"Never underestimate fifteen beers."
- Earl, My name is Earl
"My God, Peggy! I'm trying to contain an outbreak, and you're driving the monkeys to the airport!"
- Hank, King of the Hill
"Oh my god, it's so juicy!"
- Hank, King of the Hill
"Well, that sounds good, but it's making me feel kinda sick."
- Hank, King of the Hill
"Bobby, grab my checkbook. I'm gonna kick this guy's ass over the phone."
- Hank, King of the Hill
"Wait, is running a 5K some kind of rap thing?"
- Hank, King of the Hill
"Are there any lessons sports can't teach?"
- Hank, King of the Hill
"Now get out there and do what my shirt says."
- Hank, King of the Hill
"Product used to be one of my favorite words."
- Hank, King of the Hill
"I thought I smelled corn, and this confirms it."
- Hank, King of the Hill
"I wish we could rip up this driveway for all eternity."
- Hank, King of the Hill
"Wait, what was the dew point again?"
- Hank, King of the Hill
"How could you, how could you disrespect steaks!?"
- Hank, King of the Hill
"I'm mowing like i'm back in high school!"
- Hank Hill, King of the Hill
"Peggy, years from now, no one will remember what an hexagon is."
- Hank, King of the Hill
"Well, all I know is that I had to raise a little hell in there. But sometimes that's what you gotta do to get the proper forms."
- Hank, King of the Hill
"How about we try that new soup place? Because it sure is soup weather."
- Hank, King of the Hill
"I can't push her myself. She's too solidly manufactured."
- Hank, King of the Hill
"Alright, fine. But please never compare acting to propane again."
- Hank, King of the Hill
"If the goverment takes away puppy breath and really good yawns, i'll have nothing left to live for."
- Bobby, King of the Hill
"Mom, how come dad gets to stand at the breakfast table, and I never get to wear my cape?"
- Bobby, King of the Hill
"Am I handsome? Do hunters ask each other that question?"
- Bobby, King of the Hill
"Space monkeys are always good news."
- Bill, King of the Hill
"This movie is good enough to have been based on a novel."
- Peggy, King of the Hill
"Boil up some Mountain Dew, it's going to be a long night."
- Dale, King of the Hill
"I don't want a new life Hank. I liked my life and my tacos the way they were."
- Enrique, King of the Hill
"I am a bear of very little brain, and long words bother me."
- Winnie the Pooh
"Quick, man! Cling tenaciously to my buttocks!
- Powdered Toast Man, Ren & Stimpy
"Man, good thing that planet was there, or we never would have stopped."
- Ren, Ren & Stimpy
"Everything's so clear to me now. I'm the King of the Cheese, and you're the Lemon Merchant."
- Ren, Ren & Stimpy
"Ahem. Presenting the Cheese-A-Phone. Now we can communicate with various cheeses, regardless of their foreign tongue. Go ahead, Ren, say something in Limburger."
- Stimpy, Ren and Stimpy
"I like liking life a lot more than hating it."
- Stan, South Park
"Hell, everything's legal in Mexico. It's the American way."
- Uncle Jimbo, South Park
"How about lava? You got enough lava?"
- Gary, South Park
"Around here, intolerance will not be tolerated."
- Tolerance Camp Leader, South Park
"I'm beginning to think that maybe it's wrong to put someone who thinks they're a Vietnamese prostitute on a bull."
- Stan, South Park
"I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus. I want to feel his salvation all over my face."
- Eric Cartman, South Park
"Stan, don't you know the first law of physics? Anything that's fun costs at least $8."
- Eric Cartman, South Park
"I told you guys, never underestimate the power of a free hat."
- Eric Cartman, South Park
"Butters we're done talking about girls' balls for now, pay attention".
- Eric Cartman, South Park
"Yes, God is here too. He's gonna talk to you right after Captain Crunch."
- Superman, South Park
"Just listen to that video crowd. I haven't heard a video crowd go that wild in a long time."
- Manager, South Park
"Enjoy the little things and the big things will take care of themselves."
- Garfield
"Nobody knows what the mysterious cat is thinking. Not even the mysterious cat."
- Garfield
"I guess I should have put the list on the list."
- John, Garfield
"If you're patient, and you wait long enough, nothing will happen."
- Garfield
"Now all we need is a little Energon, and a lot of luck."
- Optimus Prime, The Transformers
"No force in the universe can stop me."
- Optimus Prime, The Return of Optimus Prime
"That pig-shape bush frightens and confuses me."
- Guybrush Threepwood, Escape from Monkey Island
"That's the second biggest monkey head I've ever seen."
- Guybrush Threepwood, Escape from Monkey Island
"Somehow I knew that in hell there would be mushrooms."
- Guybrush Threepwood, Monkey Island
"Hey, i'm not supposed to put cheese in my cereal."
- Doug, King of Queens
"No way i'm watching boxing while eating a nectarine!"
- Doug, King of Queens
"I'm the coleslaw king of the world!"
- Rob Geller, Never Been Kissed
"I will take the Ring, though I do not know the way."
- Frodo Baggins, Lord of the Rings
"It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there."
- Patches O'Houlihan, DodgeBall
"This is an 81 Honda! How dare you?"
- Vince, Employee of the month
"With enough soap, you can blow up just about anything."
- Tyler Durden, Fight Club
"The things you own end up owning you."
- Tyler Durden, Fight Club
"It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything."
- Tyler Durden, Fight Club
"First you have to give up, first you have to *know*... not fear... *know*... that someday you're gonna die."
- Tyler Durden, Fight Club
"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."
- Narrator, Fight Club
"Gary, you can't take a pitch pipe out of someone's hand when they're in the middle of a very funky groove!
- Richard Meyers, The Break-Up
"The only thing that helps me maintain my slender grip on reality is the friendship I share with my collection of singing potatoes."
- Holly, Red Dwarf
"Kryten personal black box recording. Time: unknown. Location: unknown. Cause of accident: unknown. Should someone find this recording, perhaps it will shed light as to what happened here."
- Kryten, Red Dwarf
"I have a medium-sized fire axe buried in my spinal column. That sort of thing can really put a crimp on your day."
- Kryten, Red Dwarf
"On a mining ship, three million years into deep space, can someone explain to me where the smeg I got this traffic cone?!"
- Lister, Red Dwarf
"Just lie back, relax, and i'll go slip into my spider man costume."
- Lister, Red Dwarf
"The time for talking is over. Now call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard, and we hit it fast, with a major, and I mean major, leaflet campaign."
- Rimmer, Red Dwarf
"It was horrible. Horrible. But driving fast behind the ambulance was fantastic!"
- Will, About a Boy
"Someday? Someday my dream will come? One night you will wake up and discover it never happened. It's all turned around on you. It never will. Suddenly you are old. Didn't happen, and it never will, because you were never going to do it anyway. You'll push it into memory and then zone out in your barco lounger, being hypnotized by daytime TV for the rest of your life. Don't you talk to me about murder. All it ever took was a down payment on a Lincoln town car. That girl, you can't even call that girl. What the fuck are you still doing driving a cab?"
- Vincent, Collateral
"Kinda hot in these rhinos."
- Ace Ventura, Pet Detective
"If I'd been drinking out of the toilet, I might've been killed."
- Ace Ventura, Pet Detective
"Of course not. This is a lovely room of death."
- Ace Ventura, Pet Detective
"What part of punching you in the face do you not understand?"
- Buffy, Buffy The Vampire Slayer
"Please stop whatever you're doing. You smell like fruit roll-ups."
- Giles, Buffy The Vampire Slayer
"Anyone who's not having fun here, follow me."
- Buffy, Buffy The Vampire Slayer
"People to see, demons to kill."
- Buffy, Buffy The Vampire Slayer
"I don't suppose this is about happy squirrels?"
- Buffy, Buffy The Vampire Slayer
"I laugh in the face of danger, then I run and hide until it goes away."
- Xander, Buffy
"We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode."
- Jayne, Serenity
"He looked bigger when I couldn't see him."
- Jayne, Firefly
"If you can't do something smart, do something right."
- Shepperd, Serenity
"I'm fine... but Charlotte, maybe your 'hmmm hmmm' would like an order of fries?"
- Miranda, Sex and the City
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, I'm a fire hydrant!"
- Miranda, Sex and the City
"My vagina's depressed."
- Charlotte, Sex and the City
"The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor."
- Carrie, Sex and the City
"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with..."
- Carrie, Sex and the City
"I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty."
- Carrie, Sex and the City
"Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it."
- Carrie, Sex and the City
"How am I doing? I got two tv guides baby!"
- Al Bundy, Married with Children
"I've spent so much time thinking about all the answers to the problem, that I forget what the problem actually was."
- Claire Colburn, Elizabethtown
"You have five minutes to wallow in the delicious misery. Enjoy it. Embrace it. Discard it. And proceed."
- Claire, Elizabethdown
"I was still waiting for everything to start, and now it's over."
- Hollie, Elizabethtown
"I could be just sitting at home with pee stains on my rug."
- The Dude, The Big Lebowski
"Fuck it, Dude, let's go bowling."
- Walter, The Big Lebowski
"Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!"
- The Dude, The Big Lebowski
"You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me."
- Walter, The Big Lebowski
"Well, I gotta go rock. And if you see Holdin, tell him his balls are clean."
- Corbit, Winter Passing
"I stopped trying to be anything. I accepted myself in all my human disorder. You might wanna do the same."
- Dr. Perry Lyman, Thumbsucker
"But, Justin, just pray you don't fool yourself into thinking you've got the answer. Because that's bullshit. The trick is living without an answer. I think."
- Dr. Perry Lyman, Thumbsucker
"You are not alone. You are not afraid. You don't need your thumb, and your thumb doesn't need you."
- Dr. Perry Lyman, Thumbsucker
"Don't taste my pants."
- Tim, Envy
"And sometimes the things you can't change, they end up changing you."
- Pleasure, The Air I Breathe
"Wake up every day as if on purpose."
- Hitch
"Don't try to confuse me with the facts."
- Bill, NewsRadio
"Boy, I guess it's true what they say, huh? There's a fine line between gardening and madness."
- Cliff, Cheers
"I don't believe there's a man, women, or child alive today who doesn't enjoy a lovely beverage."
- David Letterman
"This shoe is definitively not alive."
- Robin William, Sesame Street
"Sanity is a madness put to good use."
- George Santayana
"This is the nineties. You don't just go around punching people. You have to say something cool first."
- Joe Hallenbeck, The Last Boy Scout
"I have to get more pudding for this trip to Hawai."
- Barry, Punch Drunk Love
"So you don't take your coat off, and now everyone at NYU thinks I'm gay."
- Jerry, Seinfeld
"Cookies don't liquify!"
- Jerry, Seinfeld
"Jerry! The japanese guys had sake in the hot tub. You gotta get them out of the drawers and get them down here or I don't have a focus group to sell the pilot to japanese TV!"
- George, Seinfeld
"Fredo was weak and stupid, he shoudn't have eaten that key!"
- Kramer, Seinfeld
"Those aren't for New Years. Those are my everyday balloons!"
- Kramer, Seinfeld
"You can't be, because I am out there. If I see you out there, there not enough voltage in this world to electro-shock me back into coherence!"
- George, Seinfeld
"There's a new Neil in town!"
- George, "Seinfeld"
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"
- President Merkin Muffley, Dr. Strangelove
"I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it."
- Rita Mae Brown
"It can't rain all the time."
- The Crow
"I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles."
- Pete, Knocked Up
"There are plenty of ways to die, and you have to figure out a way to live."
- Erica, The Brave One
"The execution is scheduled for tomorrow. I should call in sick."
- Dilbert
"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
- Scott Adams
"Dance like it hurts,
- ove like you need money,
"Hang on, this could get gnarly."
- Dr. Possible, Kim Possible
"Hun, why is your nemesis in our breakfast nook?"
- Dr. Possible, Kim Possible
"The first rule of Chess Club is you do not talk about Chess Club."
- Ron Stoppable, Kim Possible
"No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it."
- Charles M. Schulz
"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?"
- Charles M. Schulz
"The great thing in this world is not so much where we are, but in what direction we are moving."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Positive anything is better than negative nothing."
- Elbert Hubbard
"I knew who i was when I got up this morning, but i think i must have changed several times since then."
- Alice, Alice in Wonderland
"Pray not for a lighter burden, but for stronger shoulders."
- St. Augustine
"Small ills are the fountains of most of our groans. Men trip not on mountains, they stumble on stones."
- Chinese Proverb
"Fall seven times, stand up eight."
- Japanese proverb
"Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow."
- Swedish proverb
"You can't hold a man down without staying down with him."
- Booker T. Washington
"Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow."
- Helen Keller
"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."
- Charles du Bois
"No matter how long you live, die young."
- Elbert Hubbard
"A candle loses nothing of its light when lighting another."
- Kahlil Gibran
"Some men go fishing all their lives without realizing that it is not fish they are after."
- Henry David Thoreau
"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it."
- Edith Wharton
"That's a lot of tuba."
- Jonathan, Serendipity
"If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf."
- Bob Hope
"This sticker is inconvenient and dangerous, but I do like Fig Newtons."
- Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights
"I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence."
- Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights
"Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get the fire off me! Help me Oprah Winfrey!"
- Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights
"This corn is like an angel."
- Dan, Dan in real life
"Dude, you're action packed with issues."
- Ryan, 40 Days and 40 Nights
"Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."
- Neil McCauley, Heat
"Is that blood on your zombie?"
- Mr. Bottoms, Fido
"My, Earth really is full of things!"
- King of All Cosmos, Katamari Damacy
"A delayed game is eventually good, a bad game is bad forever."
- Shigeru Miyamoto
"Your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow."
- Robert Kiyosaki
"The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining."
- John F. Kennedy
"The shortest distance between two points may be a line, but by no means is it the most interesting."
- The Time Warrior, Doctor Who
"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is liking what you get."
- H. Jackson Brown
"That doesn't work for me. I gotta have more cow-bell!"
- Christopher Walken, Saturday Night Live
"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."
- Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
- Queen, Through the Looking-Glass
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."
- Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do. And if you do, take pictures."
- Al, Quantum Leap
"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."
- Robin Williams
"Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding the truth"
- Ludwig Borne
"Stop it socks, you're killing me!"
- Kevin McDonald, Kids in the Hall
"We think too much and feel too little."
- Charlie Chaplin
"The saddest thing I can imagine is to get used to luxury."
- Charlie Chaplin
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
- Charlie Chaplin
"My work is a game, a very serious game."
- M. C. Escher
"Can't you see the grass is greener where it rains."
- Bell X1, Eve
"Reality leaves a lot to the imagination."
- John Lennon
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
- John Lennon
"If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves."
- Maria Edgeworth, O Magazine
"I believe that one of life's greatest risks is never daring to risk."
- Oprah Winfrey
"Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure."
- Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine
"The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you're willing to work."
- Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine
"The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams."
- Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine
"Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not."
- Oprah Winfrey
"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose."
- Yoda, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
"The more discipline you have, the more freedom you have."
- Bjork
"I have found that if you love life, life will love you back."
- Arthur Rubinstein
"OK, Dad. Let's do it. Let's go get the shit kicked out of us by love."
- Sam, Love Actually
"Dad, I don't think I'm gonna do it Hamster Style anymore."
- Young Ben, Orgazmo
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he doesn't become a monster."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
"In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Faith means not wanting to know what is true."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal."
- Henry Ford
"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it."
- Henry Ford
"If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere."
- Frank A. Clark
"If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up."
- J.M. Power
"Do one thing every day that scares you."
- Elanor Rosevelt
"The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more."
- Kin Hubbard
"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning."
- Ivy Baker Priest
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."
- James Dean
"You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you really need."
- Vernon Howard
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do."
- Confucius
"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop."
- Confucius
"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated."
- Confucius
"The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering."
- Bruce Lee
"Love is like a friendship caught on fire."
- Bruce Lee
"I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times."
- Bruce Lee
"Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning."
- Bill Gates
"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
- Dolly Parton
"It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back."
- Mick Jagger
"I love the winning, I can take the losing, but most of all I love to play."
- Boris Becker
"Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like."
- Will Smith
"I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted."
- George Best
"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do."
- Bob Dylan
"The important thing in science is not so much to obtain new facts as to discover new ways of thinking about them."
- Sir William Bragg
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."
- Dalai Lama
"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them."
- Dalai Lama
"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."
- Dalai Lama
"Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values."
- Dalai Lama
"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to."
- Elvis Presley
"It's easy to make a buck. It's a lot tougher to make a difference."
- Tom Brokaw
"Heroes are people who rise to the occasion and slip quietly away."
- Tom Brokaw
"Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you got."
- Garth Brooks
"It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up."
- Muhammad Ali
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
- Tiger Woods
"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult."
- E. B. White
"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world."
- Lucille Ball
"We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.
- Bertha Calloway"
"Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought."
- Henri Bergson
"I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some."
- Herbert Rappaport
"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes."
- Douglas Adams
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
- Douglas Adams
"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?"
- Dr. Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy
"Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be."
- Peter Gibbons, Office Space
"I dont know what happened! I mean, I just tried to talk to these guys, and then there was a dustbuster, a toupee and a liferaft exploded... now ones bald ones in a boat and they're both unconscious!"
- Barry B. Benson, Bee Movie
"What are you doing Frakenstein, you gonna play in the puddle? Well go ahead, puddle it up. From now on you do whatever you wanna do and I'll show you some cool shit along the way. That's what it's all about!"
- Sonny, Big Daddy
"Stay hungry. Stay foolish."
- The Whole Earth Catalog
"Your stupid space car's locked me in.
- Angie, Baby
"Why is everything so purple?"
- Hiro, Heroes
"It's so damn hot. Milk was a bad choice."
- Ron Burgundy, Anchorman
"By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong."
- Charles Wadsworth
"If you don't know what you want and where you are going, you will get next to nothing and end up nowhere."
- John C. Maxwell
"The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you."
- Bob, Lost In Translation
"Focus on everything better today."
- Moby, Slipping Away
"Open to everything happy and sad; seeing the good when it's all going bad."
- Moby, Slipping Away
"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it."
- Mary Wilson Little
"Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing."
- John Erskine
"To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all."
- Peter McWilliams
"Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, 'Certainly I can!' Then get busy and find out how to do it."
- Theodore Roosevelt
"When you play, play hard; when you work, don't play at all."
- Theodore Roosevelt
"It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed."
- Theodore Roosevelt
"To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk."
- Thomas Edison
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
- Thomas Edison
"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."
- Thomas Edison
"Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work."
- Thomas Edison
"Computers are useless; they can only give you answers."
- Pablo Picasso
"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it."
- Pablo Picasso
"Art is a lie that helps us see the truth."
- Pablo Picasso
"Everything you can imagine is real."
- Pablo Picasso
"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up."
- Pablo Picasso
"Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time."
- Thomas Merton
"One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory."
- Rita Mae Brown
"Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that."
- Michael Leunig
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
- Theodor Seuss Geisel
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
- Walt Disney
"If you can dream it, you can do it."
- Walt Disney
"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."
- Mahatma Gandhi
"An eye for an eye leaves us all blind."
- Mahatma Gandhi
"Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth."
- Mahatma Gandhi
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."
- Mahatma Gandhi
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
- Mahatma Gandhi
"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
- Robert J. Hanlon
"If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner."
- Tallulah Bankhead
"Now that my house has burned down, I have a better view of the rising moon."
- Japanese poet Masahide
"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not."
- Unknown
"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it turned into a butterfly."
- Unknown
"Seek the wisdom of the ages, but look at the world through the eyes of a child."
- Ron Wild
"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take."
- Wayne Gretzky
"I skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it's been."
- Wayne Gretsky
"I have failed many times, and that's why I am a success."
- Michael Jordan
"Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
- H. Jackson Browne
"I can't control my heartrate, I got a cougar on me!"
- Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights
"The traveler sees what he sees. The tourist sees what he has come to see."
- G.K. Chesterton
"If we would only give, just once, the same amount of reflection to what we want to get out of life that we give to the question of what to do with a two weeks' vacation, we would be startled at our false standards and the aimless procession of our busy days."
- Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
- Ernestine Ulmer
"Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can."
- Danny Kaye
"When one man, for whatever reason, has the opportunity to lead an extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself."
- Jacques-Yves Cousteau
"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."
- William Dement
"If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?"
- Shantideva
"I believe it's better to light one candle than to promise a million light bulbs."
- Stephen Harper
"I start with the premise that the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers."
- Ralph Nader
"The great thing about television is that if something important happens anywhere in the world, day or night, you can always change the channel."
- From "Taxi"
"Yes. I am relieved to know that I am not a gollum."
- Harold, Stranger than fiction
"Okay, you're good at math and you're invisible. And you know you're gonna die."
- Harold, Stranger than fiction
"Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious."
- Brendan Gill
"One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop."
- G. Weilacher
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
- Oscar Wilde
"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."
- Guillaume Apollinaire
"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
- Harold R. McAlindon
"It feels like I'm shitting a knife!"
- Angie, Baby Mama
"In my world everyone is a pony, and they all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies."
- Katie, Horton Hears a Who
"Don't you understand? When you give up your dream,